My name is not Annie, but you will get to know me as AnnieAdorable. Annie is a real person, though.
Annie was a friend during my middle school years. She actually started as my older sister’s friend. We’ll call my older sister Sister#2. I don’t remember precisely how we met, but I remember that we shared another friend, who was also friends with Sister#2, DEAN. DEAN, Annie, and I would spend hours and hours talking on the phone or AIM every night. The three of us enjoyed video games and had our own Playstations, so we would talk about video games, or talk on the phone while we played games. All of us loved Final Fantasy, so we talked about that a lot. One game Annie loved was Dance Dance Revolution. I’m not sure if she played with a dance pad or just her controller, but her love for this game rubbed off on me and I started to pour hours into the game too. You would never catch me on a dance pad though; it was always controller for me! Dance Dance Revolution became a big part of my life for weeks, at least — maybe months. The Katamari games (Katamari Damacy, Beautiful Katamari, etc.) are some other favorites that Annie introduced to me. Man, Annie was so fun to talk to and hang out with.
But Annie wasn’t just fun. She was so much more: she was a small, slim girl with long, dark hair. She was fun sized, for sure! But she was packed with so much personality. She was funny, witty, smart, geeky, and just downright adorable. She had the cutest laugh that made boys go crazy. Admittedly, I tried to mimic that laugh when she wasn’t around. Annie was adorable. I always wanted to be like Annie…
But I grew up with awful self esteem. To some degree, I still struggle with it, though not nearly as much. As a child, I thought so poorly of myself, especially of my appearance. I could never understand why boys rarely even spoke to me. I let myself believe it was because I was ugly. So, sharing a friendship with someone with a great personality like Annie meant the world to me. But it also left me feeling a little jealous. Socializing was so hard for me, but it seemed so easy for her. Pretty was never a word I used to describe myself, but Annie sure was pretty. I never thought of myself as funny or witty, but I knew for sure that Annie was.
I speak of Annie in the past tense because I don’t know where or how she is right now. I don’t remember why or when we stopped talking, but at some point we drifted apart. I have never forgotten this friendship though. It was very special to me. I wish I could go back and do something to bring us back together. Shoot, I wish I could remember her last name!
But here I am — AnnieAdorable: the girl who has always strived to be like Annie. I think that, in many ways, I am. I have way more confidence now than I did when I was younger, but I still have quite a way to go. AnnieAdorable is who I want to be, not the person I feel I was born to be. Anonymity is also important to me right now. So, I’m choosing this identity to tell my story.
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